We sit. We wonder. We may even come to conclusions. Irregardless of what IT is . . . there’s a reality . . . so we REACH. . .
“You are a victim.” I stood there with every fiber in me wanting to fight back with words to make every argument that I wasn’t a victim. Instead, I stood there silently allowing the words to penetrate my walls so that I could see what they saw.
“Well, there is nothing to discuss because there is nothing to talk about! . . . So what are you going to do with the rest of your life?"
No matter our day, no matter our challenges each day we get to decide who we are and who we choose to be. Our choices dictate our being, our being dictates what we do and what we do dictates what we have.
We choose the story we write for our lives.
I’m often asked, “how are you so strong?”
I can’t say I have this answer all figured out.
I do know that being strong is a choice.
I do know that my emotions do not have to dictate my actions.
I do know that everything we do and how we behave is a choice.
If there is anything I wish to tell anyone is to Love Yourself. Love yourself enough to take care of you and learn what is best for you. Living a healthy life includes, if not, it preludes daring to living life fully.
Twenty two months into Ryan’s healing journey and I had to make a conscious decision. Do I want to be vulnerable again or not? Do I expose my thoughts, my feelings, my heart for the world to see? To read? To feel and to JUDGE?
At the end of the week, there was one question that baffles me to no end. It tugs at my heart because this one is very personal to me AND it is evident is very personal to each patient and supporter I meet. It is a question I try to answer, but somehow my answers just aren’t always enough.
Shouldn't packing up my husband be a joyous occasion? Is it the fact that I have come to love so many of the nurses, doctors and staff here at CHIPSA Hospital that every goodbye hurts? Is it the fact that we finally get to go home and my heart is happy that the treatments are working? Is it the fact that they have cared for my hubs so well that fear is setting in on what the next 90 days requires of us at home? I imagine its all of the above.