Twenty two months into Ryan’s healing journey and I had to make a conscious decision. Do I want to be vulnerable again or not? Do I expose my thoughts, my feelings, my heart for the world to see? To read? To feel and to JUDGE?
"It's always the perspective in which we frame our language, that inspires us to keep going as we navigate the mysterious terrain of what it means to be human." #WFTR ~Ryan D. Luelf
Embrace the journey . . . keep cycling thru. We have embraced the journey of uncovering one stone at a time. While at times we have collapsed timeframes, moved quickly and swiftly to make changes, uncover issues and changed paths when we needed to . . . we also know we are human and we just cannot make a perfect decision every single time. It is impossible for me, for Ryan, and honestly, for YOU.
This is a journey we have come to embrace.
What if everything I wanted was right in front of me and only fear stood in the way? What if I was currently living a life that was more interested in making others around me happy than what I really wanted for myself?
A deep desire to search again, to reclaim what is already there and dig through the muck of what we call fear, love and everything in between.
Shouldn't packing up my husband be a joyous occasion? Is it the fact that I have come to love so many of the nurses, doctors and staff here at CHIPSA Hospital that every goodbye hurts? Is it the fact that we finally get to go home and my heart is happy that the treatments are working? Is it the fact that they have cared for my hubs so well that fear is setting in on what the next 90 days requires of us at home? I imagine its all of the above.
Be honest. Be open. Be vulnerable. Be real. Let them in. Let them join the adventure. Let them see the truth. Everyone has many glimpses of Ryan: the open, authentic, loud, fearless, full of life, you only live once guy that will let you into his heart any day, any time. Then there’s me. I’m … Continue reading Day 2
Ryan's biopsy. . . It was a whisper that helped my heart today. It was the sun rising from the horizon.