A Question Without Answers

We were invited to spend a week at the CHIPSA Hospital in Tijuana, Mexico, primarily to share with patients and their supporters our journey and to impart hope. While I believed we achieved our primary objective I have left with a renewed sense of hope for my own self and an inner dwelling to dive farther into the depth of my own heart.

Sometimes, if not many a times, we box ourselves into a thinking where we are the only ones . . . the only ones dealing with challenges of disease . . . the only ones that experience pain or suffering . . . the only ones with family issues .  . . the only ones experiencing judgement . . . the only ones _______ (just fill in the blank.)

Then, we swing the pendulum all the way to . . . everyone has challenges . . . everyone experiences health issues . . . everyone is meant to fail . . . everyone dies of cancer . . . everyone fails . . . so why should I have hope? Why should I even try? What if it is a futile attempt?

Within these views, opportunity presents itself. The opportunity to see those who have risen from challenges. The opportunity to rise after failure. The opportunity to seek out the stories of the over comers . . . the over comers of disease. . . the over comers of cancer. . . the over comers of pain and suffering . . . the over comers of life changing events. We have the opportunity to see what is clearly in front of us: stories of many who can inspire. Stories of many who have overcome.

Being at CHIPSA reminded me, again, that I am not alone. I am not alone in this fight to find a better way to health. What I can give back is to give hope to those given hopelessness. To give hope to those who have loved ones with health issues. To give hope that we can take control of our lives and give ourselves the best chance of living in optimal health. And, what may just be as important and possibly even more important is to give hope to those not enduring disease. Why? Because we can change our lifestyle now to prevent many of the health issues that are in fact preventable.

When I looked into the eyes of the supporters the questions were loud and clear even though a word did not need to be said. The tears that welled up. Oh, how I could feel their pain. I knew the questions they had before they could ask them. I know, because I was in those exact same shoes. The questions that do not have clear answers. The questions that time may or may not ever answer. These included the question of will my loved one make it? Did we make the right decisions? Did we wait too long? Did chemotherapy devastate my loved ones body and is it too late? Did we make the right decision by foregoing conventional and going straight to alternative? Did we . . . ?

This week was full of emotions that are real. They are raw. They are what is going on with so many, not only in unconventional clinics in Tijuana, but all over the world. Whether someone is going conventional, alternative or a mix of both, those questions always reside.

At the end of the week, there was one question that baffles me to no end. It tugs at my heart because this one is very personal to me AND it is evident is very personal to each patient and supporter I meet. It is a question I try to answer, but somehow my answers just aren’t always enough. Some days I can move on and not dwell. Other days, it tugs at my heart strings to the point of tears.

Why can’t my loved ones just love me thru the process? Why can’t my loved ones just love and respect me? In other words, Why can’t they accept me?

Why can’t they? I have often wondered this . . .

Is it their fear?
Is it their pride?
Is it their need to be right?
is it their own insecurities?

I don’t know. And, I’m not sure we will ever really get to the root of their inability to accept and love.

What I can answer is that it isn’t about ME and it isn’t about YOU. You are not the cause of their inability to accept you and love you for who you are. Let this soak in. It is their issue not yours.

If I can leave you with this . . .

We find peace within ourselves when we figure out what it is we want. We find peace within ourselves when we figure out the yearning of our soul. When we can sit in the stillness of the moment and make the decision that is best for US, that’s where we can find peace.

So, stay in peace. Go with your heart . . . whichever direction it leads. If there is peace, there is love. If there is peace in the midst of uncertainty, there is the calmness that surpasses all understanding.

May we live in the inner peace that comes from being who we truly are.

Be you.

Live loved,
Live free . . . because YOLO.
Caroline Luelf

2 thoughts on “A Question Without Answers

  1. It IS crazy isn’t it! I haven’t ever been diagnosed with cancer but I do have a life altering condition that I’ve attacked nutritionally and without pharmaceutical drugs. Part of my conditions symptoms is massive weight gain. I began the nutrition based protocol and lost 40 pounds and feel soon much better on many levels. It has its ups and downs and I don’t understand how to help myself much of the time. However, the interesting thing about having a condition that doesn’t expose itself physically — in order words you look ok — you can’t talk about it too much unless you’re good with being labeled (in Christian circles) as a person lacking faith who should be claiming health when you feel like poop. Or labeled by non-christians as extremists. My daughter in law found an article and sent it to me which encouraged me to stop the extreme dietary changes and just go back to eating junk. She is morbidly obese and it just blows my mind that she really was deeply concerned for me. really?????? Honey, I’m deeply concerned for YOU! LOL

    Anyway, it really does just boil down to being so good with ourselves. I’m reading the book, Dying to Be Me, that your husband recommended. Wow! I’ve stayed up almost all night long because I couldn’t put it down. Last night at 5 am, I just closed the book, and said, “Yes, Jesus Yes!!!!! There’s soon much more than what we see touch and feel in this space we’re in. Other’s opinions and lack of support of our choices is painful but is so not within our property boundaries to manage. Being good to ourselves, loving ourselves, seeing the majesty and beauty of ourselves and experiencing the gratitude that brings….now there’s where the peace is! And yes, for me it goes against the grain of all I’ve been taught and believed. But thank God, I’m now open to so much more good and peaceful and loving. The Church has been a deep and huge painful experience for me and my husband. We haven’t been in church for a few years now. And perhaps this is exactly where God wants us. Shedding off the old so the new can be received.

    Well, I always love to read your blogs and I thank you for sharing. Peace to you! Joy to you! Excitement and purpose and love be yours!!!!


    Liked by 1 person

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